As previously mentioned, Twitter suffers from perpetual Twitternesia, joyfully discarding all tweets after 20 days or so. This is wonderful in respect of erasing any dumb tweets you may have made, but is unfortunate that you can lose tweets that may be worth preserving. There was in interesting blog debate recently about whether tweets are the copyright of the writer (google “tweets copyright” for details). The answer is probably no, with one or two exceptions. Jokes, for example are copyrightable and some jokes fit in 140 characters. So do some haikus. For that reason I’ve not included anyone else’s tweets in this list of tweets. These tweets date back to the beginning of May 2009 and include only those that were retweeted – on the assumption that someone found them entertaining in some way. It’s roughly but not precisely in order by time.

Most of the material here is taken from T-shirt slogans, bumper stickers, collections of odd facts and quotations tweeted for the sake of amusing others. Some of it is original, but not much:

What would it be like if there were no hypothetical questions?

Veja Du: The spooky feeling that you’ve heard that spoonerism before.

You never get a second chance to make a deep impression. That’s skydiving for you.

I once knew a woman who called her two tortoises Percy and Bysshe,  because they were so shelly.

Project Management Warning: Dates on the calendar are closer than they appear.

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Philosophical point: If you didn’t get caught, did you really do it?

I want to die in my sleep just like my grandpa. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car!

You know, you can’t wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

If ? rednecks fired ? shotguns at ? road signs, they’d eventually write Welcome to Texas in braille

I have got one lousy infectious cold. Just reading this will probably infect you.

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Rock is dead. (Long live paper and scissors.)

The generation of random numbers is far too important to leave to chance.

Telepathic help required: You will know what I want done, how much I’ll pay and where to apply.

Banking: Practice random acts of borrowing and senseless acts of speculation – then ask for a bailout.

Two kinds of tweeters: Those who finish their tweets and…

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Today’s Word: strikhedonia – the pleasure of being able to say “to hell with it”.

What part of kalokagathic eelymosynary ratiocination did you not understand?

Drink is never solid, so drink is always a solution.

The reason the Romans didn’t discover algebra was because X was always 10.

Statistics indicate that 4 out of 5 people make up 80% of the population.

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